WHY SOCIAL MEDIA OVERUSE IS A TICKING RELATIONSHIP TIME(LINE)-BOMB
By Hannah Knight
The sooner Facebook develops a ‘dislike’ button, the better.
We’ve all been there; casually procrastinating from our workloads and scrolling through our social media timelines at our desks, desperately seeking to escape the mundane surroundings of our daily routines. The stories we tend to find are typically similar: the ‘controversial’ friend updating their followers on their (keyboard-warrior-provoking) slant on today’s news stories, the secondary school acquaintance whose just had a baby and feels the need to commentate its second-by-second progress to the entire world, and finally the work colleague who cannot stop gushing about their newfound ‘soulmate’ (who they’ve known for two weeks).
An example from one of my own social media accounts includes a gentleman I shall refer to as ‘Gerry’ for the purpose of this article. Gerry and his partner have been in a relationship for a solid five months - I know this despite not seeing or speaking to him for six years because he lists the exact date of their anniversary at the top of his profile. Yet myself (and anyone else with the misfortune of being connected to him on Facebook) have endured sickening declarations of undying love from Gerry to his girlfriend since approximately one week into their courtship.
It may sound as if I am being intolerant, even harsh. But I ask you to imagine peacefully checking your Facebook as you chomp down on your lunchtime sandwich and managing not to gag on your mouthful as you come across a rather intimate photo of Gerry kissing his girlfriend, along with the caption: “What is the definition of love? This is the answer, I love you baby”. Bleurgh.
And it’s not just me who’s had enough of Gerry’s unbearable updates. Others have now begun to leave direct comments underneath his lengthy soul-baring posts, specifically requesting he shares these thoughts privately with the source of his affections.
Anyway, that’s quite enough Gerry-bashing; though my rant may indicate otherwise, he is a perfectly decent man and just one example of an ongoing social media phenomenon. But why is it that so many people feel the need to smear some of their most private moments across every
possible public platform? Is it the justification of their relationship or the need for their family and friends to accept their partner? Is it merely for bragging rights, to show single or ‘less happy’ friends how comparatively perfect their partnership is?
Regardless of individual justifications, the fact is social media overuse can be detrimental to our relationships. A recent poll by British law firm Slater & Gordon, revealed social media use accounted for nearly a quarter of married couples’ weekly arguments. Another survey, by Pew Research, indicates that 42 per cent of 18 to 29 year-olds in a serious relationship feel their partner is often distracted by their mobile phone. This shows it is not only the content published on social networking sites that have a negative effect on relationships, but also the amount of attention given to online platforms over a partner.
This statistic opens an entirely different spectrum of issues that come with social media use in the context of relationships. Sites like Facebook and Instagram can increase paranoia as we are able to see what our partners have viewed and ‘liked’. Let’s face it, there’s no louder alarm bell than seeing the interaction between a partner and one of their exes on social media, even if it is a seemingly innocent ‘happy birthday’ message. For many of us, our imaginations are thrust into overdrive. What if they’re messaging privately, or worse, arranging a secret rendezvous? Fifty-eight percent of those polled by Slater & Gordon say they know their spouses’ social media passwords, even if they are blissfully unaware of this, further indicating that social media paranoia can often lead to trust issues between partners.
Of course, to say this is an issue affecting all modern relationships is a rather general statement. Additional research from Pew shows just one in ten partners over the age of 65 say the Internet has had any impact on their relationship at all, and considering the average age of social media users is now between 25 and 34 (according to a recent Adweek study), it is clear that most older couples do not
utilise social media to publicise their relationships in quite the same way as some younger couples do.
I’m not proposing that all modern couples completely eliminate any mention of their relationship from their social networking profiles. After all, our partners are an important part of our lives, and light use of social media can even enhance our relationships - in fact, a recent Huffington Post investigation claims that one in five relationships now begin through online dating sites and apps. Instead perhaps we could make a conscious effort to limit how much we use social media to illustrate how happy (or unhappy) we are in our relationships, if only to save ourselves embarrassment years down the line.
Meanwhile, I think it might be time I removed Gerry from my Facebook ‘friends’ list.